A journal entry from 9/25/18 at 4:43 p.m. ; sitting by the window in a coffee shop that’s full of sounds of laughter & the click of laptop keys, sipping slowly on a latte tasting of honeysuckle & lavender, thinking of my years & the goodness I’ve been given:
This Too Shall Pass..
Years ago, before I truly found Jesus, this was my absolute favorite quote. When I was going through my hardest times, within my deepest depression to date, I would read this as something special. It was a hopeful song, a reassuring mantra to get me through what was happening inside my head. I heard this quote as, “don’t worry, good times are coming.” I didn’t even view this quote from the other side, I didn’t see it as, “but after the good times there will be more low points… but then it’ll get good again,” and so on and so forth. I didn’t see that side because mentally, I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t handle the though that this wasn’t the end of my hardships.
Now, years later, truly knowing and walking with Jesus, I hear this quote and feel humbled. I see this as God telling me not to get too comfortable in the goodness he has given me, for I will face hardships, but they’re only present in order to make me stronger. I’m now strong enough to think realistically and see that there are amazing, wonderful things that will happen to me, and although the things, themselves may last forever, the feeling of the greatness of them won’t. I’ll face seasons of despair, I’ll face days of rain. That’s just reality.
I’m thankful for a God who gave me the strength to see this and to accept this. I’m thankful for my seasons of rain, and I’m thankful that I now know how to dance in the rain. I know that life happens and I know that things get hard, but I also know that things will get better…. And then get not so good again. Recovery is not linear, life is not linear. There are ups and downs, and that’s what I was not strong enough to see all those years ago, seeing “This Too Shall Pass” as a beacon of hope. I’m strong enough now to see the hilltops and the valleys, the ups and the downs, the rain and the sunshine.
I’m ready now to dance in the rain & smile in the sun, to savor each moment while it lasts, the good and the bad.
As always, thanks for bein here, I appreciate ya.
(photo credit: Emily Carder)